"It's like being on a ferris wheel and the ride stopping suddenly, mid-air: my whole world shudders to a stop the very second Eddie calls me pretty. I feel an urge to run to the nearest mirror and gaze at myself in a new, rose-tinted light." Page 58.
I think every woman remembers the first time someone outside of her family calls her pretty or beautiful. It's unfortunate that it's usually someone with ulterior motives. I remember the first time it happened to me and it no longer means as much to me as it did when I first heard it, because I can't help but wonder, "What does this guy really want?"
Obviously these are my own issues to some degree. And it might be true that the men who told me this in the past thought I was beautiful, but they still waited until a very vulnerable moment where telling me I was pretty would get them further into my pants. Some days I just wish someone would tell me I'm pretty because they think it's true and they want me to know.
I would like to be recognized more often for my intellect than my physical appearance, but every now and then it wouldn't hurt to be complimented on how nice my legs look or how pretty my hair is. I'm aware that I am shapely in all the wrong ways, but I do have some nice features and I wish they were recognized more. I wish that everyone was more free with their compliments, not only towards me but towards others. How many young men and women would benefit from hearing something nice about themselves on a somewhat regular basis?
It's hard being young, when you're expected to be at your peak physical attractiveness and to be found lacking. I often have the urge to compliment people my age and younger, particularly those I know who probably don't receive them often. I want to give them something to feel good about, something they can like about themselves, even if it's just for an hour or two before their "friends" or peers go back to calling them fat or making fun of their large ears.
I almost never do this though. I just don't have the courage to be that "weird person." I am afraid that my compliments would be taken the wrong way, that parents would jerk their 12 year-olds away and cross to the other side of the street to avoid me, even though my intentions are good. And what damage might that do to a kid's psyche? The only random person to compliment me is a potential pedophile according to my parents - yeah, that'll make them and me feel good. So the only way around this is to compliment the people you know. You don't have to lie, but if someone has a new haircut that suits them or a fabulous new pair of earrings or you think that they have especially lovely eyes, just tell them. You can even preface it with, "Not to be weird, but I really think you have pretty _______ and I thought you would like to know."
Leave a comment with your thoughts and/or compliments, I will return them as best I can.
I shy away from giving compliments because I am afraid the person will think I am hitting on them, and I have a finely crafted fear of being perceived as the Creepy Lesbian. I have been in situations where certain of my friends have harbored fears of their own that I might be into them because of some compliment I paid them or because I said something like, "It's been so long since we've hung out, I can't wait to see you!" Instead of approaching me about the miscommunication, they usually tell my other friends, and then things just get awkward.
ReplyDeleteDear Dayna,
ReplyDeleteYou are an amazing, wonderful firebrand of a person and a lesbian. Any female friends should be honored to think that you have Teh Hawts for them. If they had half a brain they would either A) not let that crap bother them or B) confront you about it graciously and not let it get in the way of their friendship. You would think people would get over that crap after high school. Perhaps they read too many YA romance novels.
Much love and affection to you,
Amy L. Campbell