21 February 2011
Post 331: Waiting for Daisy
I've always thought that the whole infertility industry is a bit shady. It is so incredibly expensive, there are so many different methods, and when it comes down to it there are probably very good biological reasons why certain people can't conceive. It is unfortunate and sad, and I am in no way saying that these people have inferior genes or shouldn't be parents, but I find it troubling when people put their own futures and health (marital, financial, mental, and physical) at risk in any one pursuit. I have similar feelings towards professional athletes who build up their bodies only to break them in horrendous ways, or people who invest all of their money in the next big thing that doesn't pan out. Sure, the payoff could have been big, but they didn't leave room for disaster, for the big misfortunes life might throw at them. And yes, I'm aware that my own life is kind of a big misfortune.
Part of me wonders if the infertility industry, the things that people do to get pregnant, are only prolonging the pain. Of course someone could end up with exactly what they want, a healthy child, but what about the people who ruined or nearly ruined their lives and still didn't get a baby in the bargain? Maybe if they had been told, "No way in hell are you having a child," they could have accepted their situation and made the best of it. How many people have been given false hope and spent years being crushed over and over again?
Personally, I don't know if I could handle the trauma. I think being told I was infertile would be enough. Sure, I don't have as much investment in having a child because I don't want one and don't foresee myself wanting one anytime in the future... but I'd like to know I have the option. Then again if I found a doctor who would tie my tubes, I'd be in his office by tomorrow and paying the credit card bill for the next 10 years. I am a bit conflicted like that. I guess when it comes to biology I kind of feel like the best thing to do would be to listen to my body. If my body tells me I shouldn't have biological kids, then that's probably a good idea and even if I want them really badly, no amount of injecting myself with hormones and fertilized eggs is going to make me happy if I don't actually get pregnant. Even then, there's a chance I'll have lost everything I wanted to share with that child (my house, my partner, my sanity).
So if I'm still blogging in 10 years and find out that I can't get pregnant, someone please remind me to reread Orenstein's book. She is a much stronger person than I am, also I'm pretty sure she was slightly insane for at least three of the years she was trying to get pregnant. Really, this is a good book for anyone to read, regardless of fertility issues.
Great review over at Kirkus.
LibsNote: Copy checked out from the library.