02 December 2010
Day 250: Everybody Marries the Wrong Person
This book focuses less on the general wrong person and more on how you are the wrong person that someone married. Meinecke's suggestion is to suck it up and change the way you define your relationship and your attitude. In other words if someone cheats on you, walk it off or walk away; dredging up the past won't help your marriage. I think I was hoping more for a look at the psychology of marriage from a more global perspective rather than this restrictive glimpse from what appears to be a viewpoint garnered from a very specific client base (i.e. the ones who can afford to go to Meinecke's practice). I think a better title for this book would have been, "Your Expectations of Marriage are Unrealistic, and Yes, I Mean You." It's only slightly wordier after all.
But let me tell you why I was drawn to the title in the first place, because that might be a little more interesting. One of the few things Meinecke and I agree on is that marriage is a lot of hard work, especially after those initial love hormones wear off. You know the ones: they make you overlook every stupid or obnoxious thing your partner does that your friends point out to you. Yeah, those wear off, it's a biological thing, and they aren't meant to last because your body can't possibly handle it.
Danny and I had a good run with the hormones. On my end at least it started before we actually began dating with the whole, "I think I like him, but I'm not sure, maybe I'm just lonely and I've been spending a lot of time with him recently" debate. I would say the hormones probably wore off anywhere between 6 months after I moved from Kent to about 6 months ago. So uh, February 2010 to July 2010. It's not that we don't love each other anymore, but I find it much more difficult to overlook his faults. Actually, when I was still swamped with the chemistry, I relied heavily on trusted friends to give me their honest opinion of Danny if they didn't know him beforehand, and on our relationship if they knew both of us before we got together. Although I would not rely solely on my friends, etc. to determine who I would be with, it was incredibly helpful to get so much positive feedback about the way we reacted to each other.
But I still worry that I'm marrying the wrong person, and somehow having someone tell me that I am in advance makes it easier. I almost consider it inevitable that I will fall out of love with Danny, but he has been such a good friend and companion for me, that I don't think that will make me stop loving him. I think even though we both have concerns about whether we are "The Best" for each other, we are committed to making it "As Good As We Can." I'm not sure I could find that in anyone else who I get along with as well as I do with Danny.
My review can be found at Goodreads.