29 December 2010

Day 277: At Home

At Home: A Short History of Private Life.  ISBN: 9780767919388 (ARC - published October 5, 2010).

 So I was recently rejected for yet another job after having a really good in-person interview.  Unfortunately I lost out to a candidate that had 15 years of experience.  This is something that I cannot compete with.  I can be the smartest, most easy going, most adaptable and capable person and may even be a better fit for the job, but a company, or in this case organization, would be foolish to pass on 15 years of experience.  And this is why I will lose over and over again.

Which leads me to talking about being homeless, at least in the sense that I have nowhere to really call "home."  I currently spend my time bouncing back and forth between my roommate's, who is allowing me to stay with her pretty much free of charge, and my in-laws-to-be's, who can't really afford to support a fifth person and don't have the room to do so anyway.  I don't think my roommate ever thought I would be unemployed for so long, and certainly no one else in my family has either.  So here I am, essentially homeless, although not shelterless.

Really, being jobless right now wouldn't be so terrible if I could still support myself.  If I were able to contribute to my room mate's household more (I do drive her places, try to help clean up, etc.) or even have a place on my own I actually think I would be more productive with my job searching and emotional well being.  Unfortunately because I don't have a place that I can really feel 100% comfortable there are compounded feelings of guilt associated with not having a job.  Not only am I worthless because all I do all day is file paperwork for free in the hopes that someone will select me of all the other schmucks filing paperwork to do the same thing for money, but also because I feel I am an endless drain and burden on the people I care most about.

In the meantime, I'm in a situation that I don't much care for.  As much as I love my room mate and would gladly live with her in more traditional arrangements, I feel that I don't really have the right to be here.  I can't bring in any of my furniture or decorate, or rearrange things, or properly run around naked whenever the hell I want.  One of the things that got me really excited when I got call backs from jobs in the beginning was looking for apartments in the area.  I loved thinking about what I could afford and what new furniture I would buy, how I would set up the office/guest room area and the bedroom.

I have been desperate to set up my own home and really settle down.  Not necessarily forever, but at least for the next five years.  Instead, here I am, almost 26 and I have no idea if tomorrow my room mate will say, "You know what, you've been here long enough and I think you need to leave now."  And if she did say that, I would agree with her, because really, I have been here too long, and I have not felt at home anywhere in over two years.

I haven't quite finished this yet, but you can find a good review on Goodreads from one of my guest bloggers, Marybeth Cieplinski.
LibsNote: This ARC was received from a publishers booth at ALA 2010.

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