Day 25: My Freshman Year

My Freshman Year: What a Professor Learned by Becoming a Students by Rebekah Nathan (pseudonym).  ISBN: 9780801443978.

Oh baby, turn the lights down low, we're gonna talk about sex today.  Ain't nothin' sexier than a librarian talking about books, so I'm gonna let down my hair and fling my glasses across the room while pouting about your overdue books...  Not really, but if that works for you, awesome.

I am actually going to talk about sex.  Actually I'm going to talk about talking about sex, because I wanna get metaphysical.  And if an Olivia Newton John just popped into your head, that was totally on purpose.  This topic was sparked by the portion of the book where Nathan asks other students what class "changed their lives."  Apparently all of them had good things to say about their Sexuality class.

I find the description of the Sexuality class somewhat interesting.  In the class they were required to read texts and watch movies to enhance the discussion, but it was expected that they would rely mostly on their own experiences.  While talking about sex in college changed my life too, all of my discussions happened...well...everywhere.  I don't think I remember a single day where I didn't participate, listen to, stumble onto, or start a conversation about sex.  We're talking about things from gritty play-by-play details to number of partners to the political contexts of socio-economic status of partners from different classes to what it means to have sex as a straight man or woman/queer man or woman/queer transgender  man or woman/polyamorous/etc.  We talked about sex so much I'm almost hard pressed to tell you that we talked about anything else.  

I don't want to say we were sex crazed; I just think maybe we were more open about it and therefore it made it easier to talk about it in an adult manner, without titters or offense being taken.  A lot of this had to do with campus policies that promoted openness about physical contact.  The Sexual Offense Prevention Policy (SOPP, the initials are said individually rather than saying "sop") has literally changed my life and the way I handle my relationships, both sexual and non-sexual.  I am a very physical person; I enjoy being close to people I like.  I hug, I kiss cheeks, I pat shoulders and heads, I enjoy giving and receiving (good) back massages; physicality is a large part of how I show someone that I like them and that I want to be friends with them.  Having the SOPP around forced me to make sure that every physical interaction I had was okay; every single time.  

I became used to the idea that not all of my friends appreciated the same level of physical contact that I did all the time.  There were friends who didn't like to be touched at all, or very rarely, and then there were friends where it was okay sometimes, and friends who didn't seem to mind at all.  The point is that the more I asked the easier it was to ask.  It actually put less pressure on the relationship.  The rejection was hard initially, but once I got used to the idea that it wasn't a rejection of me, but that they had different space requirements than I did, it was much easier to accept and overall our relationships were smoother.

I'll be honest, there were times sexually when following the SOPP was awkward, but it was always worth it.  Those were the times where I felt the safest and the closest to my partners.  I can't remember a time where I had bad sex when following the SOPP.  I think honesty and openness are a necessary requirement of good sex, even if it's just to say, "I don't like this or this, sometimes I like this but ask me first," or "I've had X number of drinks tonight, so keep in mind this may not actually be consensual," or "I just want to have sex with you tonight and I don't plan to see you again."  See, I don't necessarily think there's anything wrong with the one-night stand.  Personally it's not my style, but I think it's a valid sexual choice for some people, some of the time.  I just wish people would be more honest about it.  True, a person may decide not to sleep with you when they learn you're not interested in a longer relationship, but for the sake of their sexual and mental health that is something they need to know.  And let's face it, if you're getting into someone's pants and they're not fully aware of your real intentions, that just makes you an asshole.

Day 24: My Freshman Year

My Freshman Year: What a Professor Learned by Becoming a Students by Rebekah Nathan (pseudonym).  ISBN: 9780801443978.

I admire that a professor was willing to go back to college.  I kind of wonder why she chose to return to her own campus.  She was trying to better understand her students, but I don't think experiences vary that much from large state institute to large state institute.  Also, wouldn't it be better to observe student behavior is a setting that you're completely unfamiliar with so that you also experience the uncertainty of being in a new place?

She also wipes out a lot of details about which university she attended and taught at.  However, I think there are probably enough clues to determine who she is if someone really wanted to.  In fact, a quick search of the pseudonym pulled up a Wikipedia page for her.  I will link to it for your convenience.  Apparently she just gave one two many clues, such as telling people there were mountains nearby, how long she had been teaching, etc.  It would have been fun trying to piece all that information together if someone else hadn't done it first.

For me the most striking thing I noticed about this book was the differences between my education at a small liberal arts school and that of the state schools.  The dorm situation at Antioch College was less than stellar, but because most of us were from out of state we all typically lived in the dorms.  Most of us ate in the cafeteria because it was the most convenient.  These were all things that seemed to be lacking in the state universities.  Also at Antioch, we had to share bathrooms and depending on the dorm, we did use the commons spaces for community gathering.

Nathan also mentioned the shift from living in condensed housing to suite living, where four rooms share a bathroom, and apparently at some universities a kitchen, laundry facilities, and a living room area.  And we wonder why college education has skyrocketed?  I know there are other reasons, but students should understand that because education is now a business, whether right or wrong, that business will cater to the element that will "earn" them the most money. That means people who would be okay with living in high density living units, who don't need in-house laundry units and kitchens (as nice as they are), are still paying for them, because someone has to pay for the costs of the renovations and the fact that more buildings are necessary to house fewer students.

I'm not saying that universities shouldn't try to cater to students at all: renovations are a necessary part of building maintenance, but the extras aren't necessary and I'm not sure why students even want them.  There are now dormitories where cable and HBO are standard. These are nothing more than distractions, not only from academics but also from building community and learning to relate to people from different cultures and backgrounds. 

Think about it, if you aren't forced to share living space with someone from a different culture or background as you, how likely are you to actually interact with them?  That's what college used to be about.  Now it seems that we go to college for four, sometimes five, years to reinforce our beliefs rather than expand them.  Oh good, I get to learn more about what I already know, awesome, can I have my piece of paper now?  This isn't to say there aren't any problems with liberal education, but I do think there's typically more freedom to really explore interests.   I just think that students, alumni, and parents need to be clear about what they really want from universities.  We want a valuable education, not a party central padded with amenities and football games.  The extras might be nice, but they shouldn't be the focus of university life, and they may actually be detrimental to process of higher education.