07 July 2010

Day 102: A Special Story

Happy 100th* post, everyone!  How awesome is this!  In honor of a special post, my fiance and I will present you with a very special story.  We began telling Rupert the Magical Pony stories in bed.  I had this annoying habit of asking Danny to tell me a story as we drifted off to sleep, and one night he asked me to return the favor.  And thus Rupert the Magical Pony was born.  His first story resulted in visiting the realms of man after encounters with various creatures.  After meeting with man, he ended up in a glue factory.  Other stories involved Rupert having a serious tummy ache and asking a wise donkey for help (he had a hilarious name and I'll be damned if I can remember it).

In any case, these are amazing anecdotes. As I type this my fiance and I are arguing over who told the tummy ache story which ended as a Magical Fart Joke.  He has capitulated and stated, "It was a fart joke and it was you.  Why must you be better at Rupert stories than me?"  First of all, a fart joke is me!  Second, "Because Rupert originated in my sick and twisted mind."  So now I present you with the first ever published Rupert story for you all to enjoy.  If someone provides illustrations I will love you forever.

Rupert the Magical Pony and the Pirate Adventures:
Once upon a time, there was a magical pony field, and in the magical pony field lived  the magical ponies.  One of the Magical Ponies was named Rupert, and he was a Magical Pony.  However, this story does not take place in the Magical Pony Field, but far, far away on a ship in the middle of the ocean.

The ship was not a Magical Pony Ship, but a mean and dirty pirate ship, that was run by mean and dirty pirates.  The mean and dirty pirates had captured Rupert the Magical Pony and his Magical Pony friends when they had decided to go out on their Magical Pony boat for a Magical Pony Adventure.  As the mean and dirty pirates hauled the Magical Ponies on board, they said in their mean and dirty voices, "Yarharhar, we captured Magical Ponies and we can make them slave away for us, and then eat them in a stew when they get too tired and old to work.  Yarharhar."  Rupert and his friends were very sad, and very afraid as they were loaded into the hold of the mean and dirty pirate ship.

The Magical Ponies were tied up and called mean and dirty names by the mean and dirty pirates, that should never ever be repeated by good girls and boys.  This made Rupert and the Magical Ponies even more sad.  The mean and dirty pirates were getting hungry, so they started to talk about carving up one of Rupert's particularly plump friends.  Porto the Plump Magical Pony started to cry.

"No!" Rupert exclaimed, "You can't cry!  We have to find a way to get out of here!"

Porto continued to cry, but as he did so, his Magical Pony Tears of Sadness slowly slipped through the cracks of the mean and dirty pirate ship, where they seeped into the water, where the sharks smelled it.  Now, as everyone knows, Magical Pony Tears smell like cupcakes and rainbows, which is way better than blood.  The sharks smelled the Magical Pony Tears and, through the hull of the ship, asked why the Magical Ponies were crying.  

Rupert replied, "Oh dear shark friends, we are but a small herd of Magical Ponies who have been captured by mean and dirty pirates who are now threatening to carve the plump Porto to eat for their stew.  Will you help us?"

The leader of the sharks, Mr. Scrubbers, replied, "Why yes, Rupert.  As you are a good and magical pony we shall help our new Magical Pony Friends."

So without further fuss, Mr. Scrubbers and his shiver of sharks jumped onto the mean and dirty pirate deck and began to eat aaaalllll the mean and dirty pirates.  When all the decks ran red with the blood of the mean and dirty pirates, the sharks helped their new Magical Pony Friends escape from their chains.  After they cleaned the mean and dirty pirate ship of all its meanness and dirtiness, the sharks and the Magical Ponies played together as they headed back to the Magical Pony Field.

Unfortunately, Mr. Scrubbers and his shark friends soon got hungry.  And everyone knows that Magical Ponies taste like gum drops and babies.  So Rupert and his Magical Pony Friends never saw land again. 

The End.  

If you would like to see more of Rupert the Magical Pony, please comment.  If you would like to never see him again...please comment.  If you think my fiance and I are very special people and deserve some very special treatment, particularly in the form of hospitalization, I won't fight you about that.  Please feel free to set up a fund in our name and we will gladly seek help.

*Oops, apparently this is actually the 102nd post because I somehow mis-numbered posts back in late June.  Crap.  Oh well.

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