01 May 2010
Day 35: Watership Down
"To feel the end of a time of anxiety and fear! To feel the cloud that hung over us lift and disperse - the cloud that dulled the heart and made happiness no more than a memory! This at least is one joy that must have been known by almost every living creature." Page 72.
My friends, I am currently living in a time of anxiety and fear, that I hope will soon be lifted. I have less than a day until I head down to Tennessee for my first in-person job interview since, uh, November?! I feel that I've been pretty successful at getting interviews, having one almost every month since October or November, but it has not been easy. I have had days where I've looked at the list of jobs I need to apply to, thrown up my hands, and grabbed the nearest pint of ice cream to shove in my face.
I feel like I'm closer to getting this job than any that's come before, with the exception of that public library job in Georgia. This job is closer to what I want, and despite the fact that it's not ideal, I think I will be happy there and the people seem pretty nice. I'm also getting that weird feeling of, "I've had my life on hold for so long I don't know if I'm capable of just living it again." Honestly, I've been unemployed for so long now I almost don't want a job. Most of this is because it comes at a time when I've finally found a project to keep me occupied (my blog) and I'm doing some freelance work as a personal assistant/organizer for a professor from Bowling Green State University. These are things that make unemployment feel like more of a vacation, and I'm not just sitting there watching my bank account dwindle. It's not growing, but at least cash isn't being sucked out of it at an astonishing rate.
But I know - I know, know, know - that once I get this job I will feel so much better about my life and my situation, and I will finally be able to remember what it feels like to walk by without that cloud of doom over my head. And to celebrate, I'm going to get married. As much as I would love to have the planned wedding and reception for my first wedding, I think I'm just going to leap in and do the courthouse wedding instead. Don't worry, we'll still have a ceremony and reception later, maybe for our anniversary, but getting married once I have a job just makes sense from the legal/financial/health insurance point of view. And I feel like I've done enough waiting to start my life over the past 9 months.