Day 227: The Amber Spyglass

The Amber Spyglass by Philip Pullman.  ISBN: 9780375846731.

Some of the characters (I won't say who or why to avoid spoilers) visit the "suburb of the dead."  In this world, people can see their deaths and consider them companions.  They like having them close and always knowing that they are there.  This is obviously a strange and nearly abhorrent idea for most people in our world, since we spend so much of our lives not wanting to die.  But I think people like me can understand it.

For those of you who don't know, I suffer from a mild case of depression which gets kicked up to a less than mild case of depression during times of extreme stress (like being unemployed) or difficult times of the year (such as the anniversary of my room mate's death).  The truth is, I find a great deal of comfort in knowing that my death is nearby.  I also find comfort in knowing that I could easily reach out and grab its hand and just be done with it.  In fact, having that comfort is the only thing that keeps me going some days.  On particularly bad days I will say to myself, "Today is a bad day, and if tomorrow is a bad day and the day after that and the day after that is a bad day, I can have no more days."

Some of you who are shaking your head and saying the ever-so-popular "suicide is a permanent solution" line, I have something to say about that.  Sometimes death is the only solution and the only reason you say that line is because you do not fully understand what people with truly debilitating mental illness are going through.  Even as a mild sufferer there is always a looming worry that I will once again be caught up in a bout of depression, and there is always a fear that it will be deeper and darker and last longer than the one before it.

People who are unfortunate enough to have much more severe cases of depression than mine also have to worry about when their medical cocktails don't work anymore.  I am not talking about people who are on a small dose of Zoloft for their postpartum or because Dad passed away, I am talking about people who have to be medicated and have been medicated ever since they were diagnosed.  I think it is more difficult for them because, sure, they feel good now, but what about next year?  They know bad times are coming again and sometimes there's that urge to go out when you're on top of your game, when you feel good, knowing that you will at least die happy.

These are obviously things that I have thought about at my most depressed.  I don't regret continuing to live, but on some level I do wonder if maybe it would have been the right thing to do.  There are certainly people who care about me in this world, and I would feel bad about leaving them behind, but if it came to a point where I was in so much emotional anguish and pain that I could not stand it anymore and could not conceive a way out for myself, even with the support of my family and friends and doctors and medicine, I would hope that the people closest to me would have the compassion to forgive me and realize that it really was the only way out for me.

I am happy to say that I am not currently depressed.  My life is going pretty well and I'm doing creative things while job hunting.  In fact I try not to think about the job hunting part at all if I can help it, because not thinking about does help to some degree.  If you are concerned about me, please don't be, I have no intention of committing suicide and I doubt that I would be able to go through with it even if I did.  I am not currently medicated and I am about 95% sure that I am afflicted enough for it to actually be helpful.

I'm not advocating suicide.  Not at.  But I do think it is and should be recognized as a last option for people who have long term illnesses, and mental illness in most cases is a lifelong illness.  I think if we openly recognize it as an option, it will remove the stigma of saying, "I want to die and I need help so that I don't want to die."  Telling people that they are weak and taking the coward's way out for wanting to die, does the exact opposite of preventing deaths and does absolutely nothing to relieve the anguish associated with the disease. 

A fabulous summary of the book is over at Book Dweeb and a micro-review over at Books for Breakfast.

Day 226: The Amber Spyglass

The Amber Spyglass by Philip Pullman.  ISBN: 9780375846731.

I love this book for so many reasons.  In fact, I think this is probably the strongest in the series, although a lot of people disagree with me about that.  But this has an incredible amount of world building, and one world in particular made my little nerd heart beat with joy.

That world was the world of the mulefas, which are sentient creatures with strange physiology and a penchant for riding around on giant seedpods.  I won't say much more than that, but Pullman really developed these people in a way that made me want to go out and read as much sci-fi as possible again.  I recognize that this particular work is closer to fantasy, but in this case it was everything that I absolutely love about science fiction, it is what originally drew me to the genre, and what made me start avoiding it as sci-fi writers stopped writing about it so much.  In the cases where sci-fi writers did focus on really truly creating aliens, they often did so only to point out the differences so that the reader would cheer the hero on through the xenomorphic slaughter.

Perhaps this is a little "girly," but I am interested in both the difference and the similarities.  I want to be able to learn about the cultures and the histories of the alien races I'm reading about, and it is incredibly difficult to do that when some human schmuck is busy torching their libraries and stealing all the artifacts from their museums and eating/buggering their zoo animals.  I think it takes a lot more imagination to create a culture for alien peoples than it does to destroy them, and what's more is it's usually more interesting as it forces human characters to look at their own culture, history, and identities in a different way.  If this is something that appeals to you, The Amber Spyglass, The Left Hand of Darkness, and Speaker for the Dead are good places to start.

Can anyone else help a librarian out and recommend good Xeno-centric books?  I'd love to get back into reading sci-fi, but not if I have to keep reading the same old war stories.

A fabulous summary of the book is over at Book Dweeb and a micro-review over at Books for Breakfast.

Day 225: The Amber Spyglass

The Amber Spyglass by Philip Pullman.  ISBN: 9780375846731.

Those of you who remember your Western European (i.e. "world" history) will be familiar with the concept of Indulgences.  These were basically Get Out of Hell Free cards from the Catholic Church, that you could purchase during the Middle Ages.  Ah, apparently someone in the Catholic Church forgot that whole scripture about the camel and the needle and the rich guy not getting into heaven.*  Well, in The Amber Spyglass, apparently you can have your sins forgiven by doing penance in advance through scourging and self-flagellation.  As a side note I love that word because it comes from flagella, which is the tail of a sperm, among other things.  How's that for an image?  Priests whipping themselves with sperm tails, oh yeah, I'm not irreverent at all.

So enough with the potty humor (never!), I hate the idea that any kind of penance can account for the bad things a person has done.  I don't think you can or necessarily should be forgiven for your sins, because that might give you the brilliant idea to go out and do more.  What is the point of stopping if you can just pop into the local Papal Palace of Penance and come out with a supposedly shiny and pine scented soul?  And let's be honest here: giving up some money, even a large portion of it, or hitting yourself (because you damn well know you'll go easy on yourself), is in no way equal to inflicting suffering on someone else, and the very idea that you can erase it is entirely misguided and kind of disgusting.

I am not saying that you should live forever in shame and guilt for the major screw ups you had when you slept with your sister's boyfriend or stole candy from a baby, but you should feel bad about it and it should be on your permanent record.  The more serious the crime, the worse you should feel about it and the longer you should feel bad about it, but having a church absolve a murderer or a rapist or an arsonist or other violent criminal of their sins seems like perpetuation and perhaps even acceptance that people just do these things and we should move on with our lives.

Well, no, that's not right.  Wouldn't the better thing be to say, "If you do this really bad thing you cannot get into heaven, never ever ever ever, no matter how much you wish you hadn't done it."  Maybe it's harsh, but if evil is as black and white as God versus Satan, shouldn't the rules for getting into heaven be as black and white?  Shouldn't it be just as wrong to kill someone drunk driving as it is to kill someone through premeditated murder as it is to kill someone for invading your home as it is to kill someone for defending yourself?** 

It just seems a little too calculated to be able to go and buy or store up your penance, or even in some ways to go to confessional and have someone wave away all the bad things and say, "there, there, do better next time and remember to give to the church."  I do think that confessionals are very useful for people who have done things that they truly regret and want to talk about, but taking the burden from them is like telling a teenager they have a curfew and then saying it's okay when they break it as long as they don't do it again (after they've done it for the fifth time in a row).

If religions are about making us into better people, I cannot see how this is possibly a good thing for our moral and/or spiritual health.  I am sure the Catholic Church is not the only one religion that is guilty of this behavior, but it has such a long history that it's easy for the finger to get pointed that way.

*Matthew 19:23-24 and Mark 10:24-25 (they say it twice, bitches).
**Those last two are merely for the sake of argument; if someone is invading your home (and refuses to leave/is threatening you) or attacking you, by all means kill them.
***Believe it or not, I am not anti-religion, but I do think that logic ought to be applied equally across all aspects of our lives.

A fabulous summary of the book is over at Book Dweeb and a micro-review over at Books for Breakfast.

Day 224: Dayna Ingram (author and guest blogger)

Everyone remembers their first carefree year of college. The girls! The boys! The parties! The hot profs! The coke binges! The police investigating the sudden disappearance of your charismatic roommate! Man, I had some hot profs. (Scott Warren. Mrrrreow!) Surprisingly, though, what really sticks with me – aside from the rap sheet – are the friendships I made with the investigating officers and – if you can believe it – the prosecuting attorney. I know, right! What a star-crossed pair we made, facing off behind our polished wooden tables, distanced from each other by a list of circumstantial evidence that concerned me less than trying to read the words beneath her words – the delicious subtext.

Actual words: “At this time, the prosecution would like to submit a cache of receipts obtained by the suspect two days prior to the night in question.”

Subtext: “I’d really like to discover more about the personal tastes of the cute young woman on the wrong side of the courtroom, but professional etiquette prevents me from asking directly. Perhaps I can glean something from these receipts.”

“Exhibit A, an itemized sales slip from Ace Hardware: 500 feet nylon rope, two five foot spades, six rolls duct tape, two gallons lighter fluid, one hammer, one sixteen inch decorative lawn gnome.”

“A decorative lawn gnome! How delightful! She’s spontaneous, charming, doesn’t take life too seriously. How refreshing!”

“Exhibit B, from Wal-Mart: One gallon Clorox bleach, one pair rubber gloves, various scrub brushes, one set matching bed linens, one pack gum.”

“So considerate! Clean sheets and Winterfresh gum! She knows how to treat a lady right!”

Our dalliances carried on like this for several weeks until I was convinced we were dating. I couldn’t wait to tell all my friends about us, but my lawyer advised me to not speak about the trial to anyone until it was over. The forced secrecy of our forbidden love only fanned the flames of our passion.

Finally, because no body was ever recovered, the jury decided they couldn’t be certain, beyond a reasonable doubt, that my former roommate was even really dead, so they had to acquit. On my way out of the courtroom, I paused to watch my gorgeous prosecutor graciously shake hands with my lawyer. When he moved on, I presented my hand to her, and she just stared at it, overcome with
emotion.

“I know, sweetheart,” I whispered, closing my eyes to hide the tears. “I know.”

Our physical relationship was all too brief, beginning and culminating in one single, loving slap across my right cheek. I touched her warm palm print on my skin as I watched her march out of the courtroom – and my heart – forever.

Years later I found out she got disbarred for planting evidence, and subsequently developed an addiction to diet pills and gambling on underground ferret races. Dodged a bullet there.

ANNOUNCEMENT!  If you liked this post, you may be interested in reading her book Sleep Like This.  Dayna Ingram is having a contest for her book over at Goodreads.  Just sign up for an account (if you don't have one already) and enter here.  Quick! It ends November 12!  


Dayna Ingram is a writer and student living in the Bay Area. She received her BA in Creative Writing from Antioch College in 2008, and is currently working on her MFA in Creative Writing at San Francisco State University. She works at Half Price Books, where she buys more books than she can reasonably hope to read in a lifetime.  She is also the author of Sleep Like This.  To the best of my knowledge she has never murdered nor been on trial for murdering her room mate...or has she?

Day 223: Dayna Ingram (Interview)

This interview took place over instant messenger between myself and the author of Sleep Like This, Dayna Ingram on October 22, 2010.  The interview has been edited for flow and to fix typos, but for the most part is intact.

Dayna Ingram is a writer and student living in the Bay Area. She received her BA in Creative Writing from Antioch College in 2008, and is currently working on her MFA in Creative Writing at San Francisco State University. She works at Half Price Books, where she buys more books than she can reasonably hope to read in a lifetime.  She is also the author of Sleep Like This.



LibsLIB: So, you recently decided to self-publish your first novel Sleep Like This. Why did you decide to self-publish instead of going through traditional publishing, and what has your experience with self-publishing been?
Dayna Ingram: I went with self-publishing as a sort of experiment just to see what it was like and how much marketing I could do on my own. No one really tells you when you first set out to study creative writing that the hardest part isn't actually the writing of a story, it's the publishing. It's a whole other ball game that I wanted to skip this first time out, because it intimidates the crap out of me.

I'm still in the early stages with self-publishing, but I have mixed feelings about it just because it is super hard to get over the stigma that a self-published book isn't "good enough" to have been published through conventional channels. So sometimes I am afraid to tell people about the book because I worry they'll reject it based solely on that.

LibsLIB: If that's the case why did you decide to publish under your real name instead of a pen name?
Dayna: Hm. I don't really care for pen names. I mean, I still wrote the story, and I'm still proud of the work, I don't want to erase myself from it. I guess it's my own preconceptions of self-publishing I have to force myself to confront before I can confront anyone else on theirs, and attaching my name will push me into that action. Hopefully.  I guess I don't understand pen names, really. It's almost like tacking on "anonymous". If you don't want to be associated with what you wrote, why put it out there in the first place?

Plus it's really cool to see your name printed on the cover/spine of a book.

LibsLIB: Do you think you would enjoy working with a publishing house to see your name printed on a book, or did you think you prefer the amount of control you have by self-publishing your work?
Dayna: I think I would like to work with a publishing house someday. Work with an agent or an editor, or a team, something like that. People scare me though, especially professional people, so once I stop hiding behind my fear, I can attempt the conventional publishing route. Once I have my MFA I might feel more confident.

I really like writing, and I really want people to read my work, but going through the hoops of getting an agent and pitching your stuff to a publishing house, it's more businessy and feels like a lot of bullshit because it's all about money. I don't really care about money at this point, I just want people to read my work. Sleep Like This would've been free but CreateSpace won't let me do that. But the ebook probably will be free.

LibsLIB: You completed Sleep Like This as your senior project at Antioch College, where you also involved a science student to help you with the forensics, can you tell the readers of Libs LIB a little bit about that experience and how you set it up?
Dayna: Sure. Jessica Davis was doing her senior project where she wanted to solve a crime scene so she came to me with the idea to have me write a novel revolving around this murder that she would solve.  So I started writing this story that I envisioned as a short story (because it'd be less work for me!), and I would just ask Jessica questions like, how does fingerprinting work? What about gun powder residue? DNA? What are some conceivable poisons? But I couldn't get too detailed because I was trying to set this crime scene up for her to solve, and I wanted to outsmart her a little bit. But of course I didn't.

I remember also the day I had to set up the crime scene for Jess. It was the morning after a huge college party and we were both hung over, as was my friend Brittany who was enlisted to play the dead body.  And it took FOREVER. We had to wait around while Jess combed the scene, which was some empty room in the science building, and Brittany just had to lay there for awhile. And I learned it takes something like 50 strands of hair or something ridiculous like that to get DNA from it. 

Sleep Like This really began evolving into a novel during NaNoWriMo, which was the only year I ever won that thing (2006, I think). And originally Jessica was actually a character in it, solving the case and everything. And there was a different killer, it was really different.

LibsLIB: Do you think the experience with Jessica Davis made Sleep Like This more accurate or gave you an insight you might not have had otherwise?
Dayna: Well, without her the story never would've been written. But as far as forensically accurate, I think she was working within a school budget/school facilities, so she was more limited to what she could do with certain evidence. So I had to research outside of that to really try to understand what procedures would be used.  So I watched a lot of Law and Order: SVU.
LibsLIB: I believe you mentioned you were working on a second novel, what will that one be about?
Dayna: Yes, it's called All Good Children, and it is basically an exploration of family life within a dystopian future in which humans have a natural predator. Well, I guess not natural. Paranatural?  I'm really into it, and the first draft is almost done, but I always find it harder to write something the more deeply I'm involved with the story and the characters. It's like I've set this bar and I am afraid I can't reach it, even though I know I can because I'm the one who set it. So I sometimes sabotage myself. But it's coming along.  One of my professors called it "literary sci-fi", which felt pretty good.
LibsLIB: Do you think you're drawn more to sci-fi, or do you just write what you're interested in at the time, can we expect a lot of different genre writing from you?
Dayna: I hope you can expect a lot of different genre writing. I like elements of sci-fi and fantasy because they allow me to put my characters into these extreme situations and see what develops. I'm most interested in the psychology of my characters, so sometimes throwing like giant man-eating spiders at them is interesting, and sometimes having them not be able to find a parking space at a BART station is more interesting. It depends on the character.

LibsLIB: So, what's with your fascination with Buffy the Vampire Slayer anyway?
Dayna: Haha! This is my favorite thing ever to talk about.  It's just the best writing for a television show I've ever encountered, even with all the hokie demon stuff.  It was always about relationships and personal issues and never about demon slaying, even though it was set in that world. It was richer than that. It transcended its genre.  Plus Faith is hot.
LibsLIB: I always found the "supporting characters" to actually be more interesting than the lead characters (i.e. Buffy and Angel), who was your favorite character and why?
Dayna: Faith, because she had the classic redemption story. She was the bad girl you just want to hold while she eventually cries because no one's that tough.  Spike also had a redemption story, and I'd say his character was the most complex throughout the series. He's a close second for my favorite.  I only really like Buffy in relation to the other characters, if that makes sense. Like, I only cared about her because of how she affected her friends and how they all cared about her.  But her superiority/inferiority complex got tired after a while.  Even though it was called "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" it was always an ensemble show, which was great. 
LibsLIBS: I was not a big fan of Buffy herself, it was almost as if the show didn't have her it might have been better except everyone in Sunnydale would be un/dead.
Dayna: Yeah, they'd all be slaves to the Master, but Willow would be all vampy hot, so it's a trade-off.
LibsLIBS: You portray lesbian relationships in Sleep Like This, do you think Whedon did an accurate or reasonable job with Willow's sexuality give you have more experience as a lesbian?
Dayna: I think he did a good job, because it was kind of gradual. Willow met someone she connected with who happened to be female and she went for it. She still had feelings for her once boyfriend, Oz, but she recognized and embraced this newness in her sexuality. (which J-Dub did hint at in earlier seasons with her vampire-self). And Tara turned out to be the love of her life, and after that relationship ended, Willow got into another relationship with a woman. So it was never about this one-shot sweeps month deal. It was the natural progression of a character.  Now, where J-Dub [Joss Whedon] dropped the ball was Buffy's lesbian experience in the comic books, which doesn't fit her character's progression at all, at least to me.
LibsLIB: It felt like in Sleep Like This you used a lot of experiences that actually happened at Antioch, the stuff with The Couple, the experimenting and uncertainty of new sexual experiences, and even some of the tragedies that happened. How much did Antioch influence your writing of this particular novel and do you think it will continue to influence you?
Dayna: It influenced this novel almost 100%. Antioch was an engrossing place and I wrote most of the novel there, so it was my whole world and it became the whole world in the novel, I think. But I think at least some the experiences I wrote about are universal to the first-year college experience anywhere; they're just amped up on a smaller campus in a small town.  My Antioch experience has greatly influenced my worldview, so of course that carries over to my writing. I am much more aware of how I portray women and people of color, and issues of identity and sexuality, which seem to be themes in most of my work.
LibsLIB: Okay, I think we're nearing the end of the interview because I believe you have a date with a raquetball court. Is there a character or story element you would like me to write a Rupert story about?
Dayna: Hm. You should do an Alice in Wonderland story, where Rupert follows a plain old turtle down a hole into our world, where he's excited to encounter all these really dull things, and then he gets tranquilized and taken to a government facility where they do experiments on him and sell his body to a corporation that uses his image to sell hamburgers.
LibsLIB: Hah, done.

Dayna: Ooh, can I say one more thing about the novel?
LibsLIB: Yes, you can say many more things.
Dayna: Not to sound exploit-y, but the sex scene in the car, my professor at the time told our workshop class that it made her want to be a lesbian. I'm just saying.
LibsLIB: I can believe it, it was a pretty hot scene. Was it perhaps based on personal experience? 
Dayna: No comment.
LibsLIB: You saucy wench.
Dayna: Can I write a fake blog post for you about how the book reminds me of the one time I accidentally murdered my classmate?**
LibsLIB: hahaha, yes.  Danny wants to know why you would want to write about that (but is amused).
Dayna: Because it's highly relatable, who hasn't accidentally murdered someone in this day and age? I mean, come on, it's 2010.
LibsLIB: Danny also wants you to know that he's gay for you, and yes he has seen the YouTube Video.
Dayna: I am blushing. My finest moment! I love that little movie. If it is my only legacy, I will be happy with that.

ANNOUNCEMENT!  If you liked this post, you may be interested in reading the book yourself.  Dayna Ingram is having a contest for her book over at Goodreads.  Just sign up for an account (if you don't have one already) and enter here.  Quick! It ends November 12! 

**Look for this post tomorrow!

Day 222: Sleep Like This

Sleep Like This by Dayna Ingram.  ISBN: 9781449918972.

Have you ever had friend who wanted you to read her writing and you were terrified to read it because you were afraid you would hate it?  I have.  Dayna is one of my guest bloggers and a friend from Antioch College.  We were not what I would call close, but I always admired her ability to produce weird and amazing conversation and her general upbeat attitude.  I don't think I ever saw her go through the usual angst of college co-eds.  This is not to say she was or is bubbly, she is just one of those people that it makes you feel good to be around.

Part of the reason I may have enjoyed this book so much is that I know Dayna personally.  And I also know the setting she based the novel on, so all of the drama involved in the book was familiar.  There is no drama like the drama that comes about at a small liberal arts college with a mostly queer/gender queer population.  Everybody knows every god damned body, and I mean that in multiple contexts, positions, and combinations.  It wasn't so much that everyone slept with everyone at the college, but there were definitel "hubs" of sexual activity and it created some particularly interesting discussions about trying to figure out who slept with who and games of 6 degrees were usually only challenging if you started off with some who only slept with townies or people from other schools or from co-op jobs.

I very much identified with Regina Scott in Dayna's novel.  She was dealing with some very difficult issues her first year at college, which is itself often trying.  Scott was dealing with how to have a relationship with someone who is not ready for one, and I have most certainly been there.

When I entered college I made the big mistake of keeping my boyfriend from high school (who was in Mississppi).  It was easy for us to have a relationship when we could see each other often, but as soon as I moved to college he seemed to lose interest in communicating with me.  This was a big problem for me since that was pretty much the only thing our relationship was based on once I moved.  Because this was my first "adult" relationship, I did not handle things as well as I should have and things ended much later than they should have and in a way I am not proud of.  This would have been fine if my partner was about the same age as me, but because he was 29 (to my 18) I think we were both expecting more from each other in terms of maturity and "doing the right thing."

It is hard to come to the conclusion that you are the only one who has your best interests in mind.  As much as I wanted to stay with my boyfriend and have a life with him, I was only 18 and he should have let me go, especially if he had no interest in actually putting the time and work into a relationship with me.  I cannot tell you the amount of angst the relationship itself put me through, and the covery period was extended because of all the issues surrounding my inexperience with Just Dating and deteriorating health of My First Relationship.

Post originally written October 21, 2010 so I could catch up on my own reading, writing, or sleeping.

ANNOUNCEMENT!  If you liked this post, you may be interested in reading the book yourself.  Dayna Ingram is having a contest for her book over at Goodreads.  Just sign up for an account (if you don't have one already, and enter here.  Quick! It ends November 12!

Day 221: Gathering Blue

Gathering Blue by Lois Lowry.  ISBN: 9780440229490.

Kira is a thread worker, someone who works with embroidery and other techniques.  While she was taught, most of it apparently comes to her through "magic."  She just feels her fingers take over and do the work.  I think we all wish we had skills like that, but part of the reason they are so cherished is because we have to work so hard at them.  Certainly there are prodigies in every field, and people who just have a knack for learning certain skills.

I remember as a child trying to find that one thing I was good at.  I hopped from ballet to tap dance to guitar to writing to whatever else I could think of.  My parents were generous and encouraging in my interest, but when I felt I had failed they didn't encourage me to continue.  Instead I was allowed to move on to the next thing.

As it is I feel the only thing I really have any "magic" ability for is writing Rupert stories, and that is a stupid, stupid "talent."  By now I've been writing Rupert stories for three days straight for NaNoWriMo.  I'll be making updates on my twitter account @libs_lib, where I also make updates about what I'm reading.  I'll try to keep it updated with what particular story I'm working on, so you can be all excited about buying them and making me rich.  Rupert the Magical Pony, imma turn you into a Magical Cashcow.  Yeah, probably not, but in the meantime I will try to spread much Magical Pony Joy.

Do I wish I had a better talent?  Sure, but I know at least a few people that Rupert makes happy, and I hope there will be others.

A decent, if short, review can be found at Books R4 Teens.

Day 220: Gathering Blue

Gathering Blue by Lois Lowry.  ISBN: 9780440229490.

I loved the idea that as people in the village got older they added syllables to their name.  For instance someone who begins life as Ann could end life as Annabella.  It's almost like building in an honorific into the name: the more syllables you have, technically the more respected you are.  Those who reach four syllables are considered by the community to be "all knowing," the wisest and most informed.

I like this mostly because as we grow older we change as people.  It makes sense to me that we should also change our names, but recognize the past that who we are now was built on.  Women get this opportunity when they marry, and while it does mark a change in their lives and who they are, it also implies some loss of identity.  They once belonged to their father's family, and now they belong to their husband.  Taking another last name does not so much give credit to your past as it erases it from everything but your family tree.  There's always the option of hyphenating, but that gets messy after several generations and most of us only change our last names once or twice.

Personally, I've never really liked my first name.  The only problem of course, is that I don't know what other name to give myself.  For awhile I toyed with Vivian Leigh, but that was a name for a much older woman, a woman who smokes cigarettes with a holder, drinks brandy, wears gaudy costume jewelry, and writes filthy, filthy romance novels in her six bedroom mansionette, probably located in Virginia or possibly Georgia.  I am obviously not there yet, though you will never see me smoking cigarettes, not even with a handcrafted ebony holder.  This is a name I came up with when I was about 13 and actively writing smut.  Had I been ambitious in that area I may have actually tried publishing under that name when I became a little older.

I would consider taking Danny's last name (which is not actually Walker).  It unfortunately ends with an ee sound, which would not go well with my first and/or last name (Amy Leigh).  Yeah, toooooo many ee sounds.  I could see myself becoming an Amelia at some point, which only gets me up to three syllables.  Maybe people who know me can recommend better names?  Do you like your name, do you have other names you use as pseudonyms?  What are they, why do you have them, how long have you had them, and why did you choose that name for yourself?

A decent, if short, review can be found at Books R4 Teens.

Day 219: Consider the Lobster

"Up, Simba" in Consider the Lobster by David Foster Wallace. ISBN: 9780316156110.

Tomorrow I go to the polls to vote for the fourth time in my life.  It seems that I vote every other year, but I first started paying attention in 2000 after my history teacher told us to watch the election results and fill in a map.  By the morning, the results still hadn't been finalized and Florida was purple from being colored in red and blue and red and blue as the News predicted it going one way or the other.

During the next presidential election, the first one I was able to vote in, I was working with the Syracuse Peace Council.  We were not allowed to endorse a candidate, but we could ask people not to vote for someone.  So most of my time during that co-op was spent staking Anyone But Bush yard signs.  I sometimes wonder where this country would be if he hadn't been re-elected, but on the other hand we no longer have to worry about his second term in office.

I am not against voting Republican.  Some of the Republicans I've met have been very reasonable people who I would be proud to vote for.  Unfortunately, those aren't the Republicans who tend to run for office.  I actually had a good amount of respect for McCain before the Republicans seemed to twist his poor little brain into what is today.  One of my relatives, typically a Democrat, stated she gladly would have voted for McCain if he ever ran for president.  That was of course before this:

 

 I actually have an incredible amount of respect for John McCain.  He certainly has made sacrifices for our country, has tried to be the voice of reason in what has turned into a completely unreasonable profession.  And I am just saddened at where the United States is now and how small groups of people are able to warp good men like him.  It's almost enough to make you wish for a monarchy except that would make it even easier for corporations to get their way.

*Photo credit to: TMZ.

I don't necessarily agree with this review, but I think it's well written, entertaining, and makes some good points.

Day 218: Cleopatra

Cleopatra: A Life by Stacy Schiff.  ISBN: 9780316001922 (ARC - releases Nov. 1, 2010).

Although it got tedious at times, I rather like that Schiff reminded the reader that, despite her conquests, Cleopatra wasn't exactly a looker.  Apparently even in her time a largish hooked (Greek) nose was considered unattractive.  The idea that Cleopatra captivated both Julius Caesar and Mark Antony almost completely through wit ought to make her the role model of generations of women.

Granted, having a crap-ton of money probably greatly added to Cleopatra's allure, but there's hope for us plain-looking girls yet.  I doubt she was actually ugly, although Schiff gives us plenty of evidence that they didn't understand her attraction, particularly the fawning behavior of Mark Antony.

Given that Roman men were probably somewhat hard pressed to find well educated and outspoken women, Cleopatra was a rarity.  I know that all the men I've dated have been pleased with my intellect and humor even where my looks don't meet expectations.  Danny has been with me so long that, even if he notices, he doesn't see my unattractiveness.

It's kind of nice to see this kind of narrative pop up, even if it is ancient history.  So often the people who are covered seem to be either male or extraordinarily beautiful women.  I rather wish there was more focus on plain or unattractive women who have accomplished remarkable things, but this is a time of year where sexy-anything costumes are available, some more disgusting than others.  I think I would much rather talk to a young woman dressed up as Susan B. Anthony or Harriet Tubman than a woman dressed up as Sexy Little Orphan Annie.  In fact, that last thing is so terrifying that I don't think I can continue with this post.

My review can be found on Goodreads.