Day 139: White Oleander

White Oleander by Janet Fitch.  ISBN: 9780788739705 (audiobook).

Sometimes I feel like I get what it's like to be an orphan, to not know where you'll be in the next month or year, to not know who your friends will be or who you can trust.  I get that.  I know what it's like to live with people you aren't sure have your best interest in mind.

I'm not trying to negate the hardships faced by people in foster care, but sometimes I feel like I went through it, being jerked around so much by the military.  I haven't known what it's like to have a stable home, even though I could rely on my mother to always be part of the family.  On the other hand, each move made it seem like we changed into other people.  It was almost necessary that we became different people in order to adjust to our surroundings.  It was difficult to find ways to fit in and it often necessitated what seemed like radical changes in behavior, dress, and mannerisms.  Like chameleon pod people, we seemed to replace our selves with new selves depending on where we were stationed.

Some of this was also the changing dynamic in on our family as my parents drifted apart and my brother and I hit puberty.  And then again when my parents went through separation and divorce, and yet again when my brother got kicked out of my mom's house.  Even when we were stationary our home was in constant change and chaos.

I'm ready, I'm ready to be quiet for a moment, to be still and to stop changing quite so much.  I know I have plenty of life changes ahead of me and some additional chaos, I need to get that steady job which will require an upheaval and probably a move.  I also plan to get married which will involve some more chameleon action as we adjust to living with each other and creating a working partnership where we don't kill each other.   But after that, it'll ease into stability and some form of normality.  I won't have to worry about having my physical or emotional life upturned again and again, right?  Someone tell me that it eventually all slows down and I get to rely on always being in the same place or job or state, at least.  I feel like I've had more than my share of upheaval, and all I want to do is breathe.

Day 138: White Oleander

White Oleander by Janet Fitch.  ISBN: 9780788739705 (audiobook).

If you're thinking to yourselves, "hey, this has been done already on this blog."  You are correct.  However, it was done by the fabulous and infamous Dayna Ingram.  I thought maybe you would like to hear my thoughts on it.

First of all, let me say I had some issues with this.  No, no, not the content, that was fine.  See, I started listening to this way back in June.  I had planned to listen to it during the eight hour drive to ALA.  Sadly, at exactly halfway through my trip my CD player decided to eat the disc and not give it back.  This was of course after I had stopped for lunch and called my mother, only to have her ask if I had audiobooks to listen to.  Well, I did before you jinxed it, thanks mom.  In any case, I was eventually able to get the disc out and my CD player is working fine now, and I finally finished this monster (I don't do a lot of driving these days since no job=no reason to leave the house).

I liked the fact that Astrid found a book that became her handbook.  Hers was the "Art of Survival" and she used it for comfort and as a basic manual for her life.  I think humans pretty much require some kind of guide in their lives, and there's no reason why it can't be a book -- fiction, non-fiction, or religious text.  Religion is great, but I don't think it's for everyone and there needs to be a way for the rest of us to find solace and support.

I know I found a lot of comfort in Octavia E. Butler's Parable of the Sower and it likely contained a lot of the same principles that Astrid's Art of Survival.  In fact, Parable is probably what pushed me towards being a librarian.  It contained the idea that no knowledge or skill is useless, just that you haven't yet found a way to use it.  I've kept this in mind through all of the jobs and experiences I've had, and have found a great deal of comfort that they will all aid me in leading a rich and fulfilling life.