Post 459: Uglies

Uglies by Scott Westerfeld. ISBN: 9780689865381.

I could go for the obvious and talk about my feelings regarding "ugliness," but then how will you know I've read the book (you're all judging me aren't you)? But frankly, we could have that discussion more or less anytime, or you could ask me about it in the comments. No really, that's what they're there for.


Instead, a moment in the book that really stuck me was when Tally returned to Uglyville for the first time. She was comparing her situation to that of her friend (and boring, obvious love interest), whose home was destroyed:

"[...] her city still existed, right in front of her eyes--but emptied of everything it had once meant." Page 353.

I don't often get a chance to return to a place I've lived before, but whenever I do it's never quite the same. While I was a student at Antioch, I always looked forward to returning to campus. It was a place I could see old friends and get caught up on what everyone did on co-op, or meet new friends (usually friends of friends). Everyone was easy going about relationships, because it was hard not to be. You never knew who was going to be on campus when you got back, and people avoided changing their co-op schedules because by the time you got done with the approval, you usually wanted to change it back (romantic relationships at Antioch were also somewhat easy going, and who wants to see their ex when they don't have to).

I thought I would always be able to return to that, that the students of every generation would be similar and welcome me, not necessarily as a friend, but as a comrade,* as someone who was likely to have had a similar experience and perhaps had relevant knowledge to their situation. However, even as a recent alumna, with friends still on campus, I discovered that this was not the case. Granted, I found myself returning twice before my graduation ceremony,** for memorial services. The first was for one of my mentors, who left an indelible mark on Antioch College and inspired a slew of young people to enter the library profession, and the second was for my room mate.

The first was easier to take; not everyone was as affected. Although many of the people I was close to were saddened by the event, he was long past retirement age (work literally killed him, he stressed his heart to keep the library open during a severe snow storm), and it was not completely unexpected that he would die "soon." My room mate's death completely changed the way I looked at the campus. There is no way I can even think about Antioch without some memory of Matthew popping into my head. Every time I glance at my degree, or wear one of my shirts, see an update from a classmate on my Facebook page, it is impossible not to have that bittersweet sensation of wanting to go back, and knowing that I never can. Thinking about those years will always be happy and yet never not be sad. And that brings its own sadness with it.

A good review from Rebecca Reads points out some of the flaws, Goodreader Lisa also points out some flaws but has a slightly more favorable opinion of the book.
LibsNote: Purchased from Last Exit Books with personal funds.
*Definition: a person who shares in one's activities, occupation, etc.; companion, associate, or friend.
**I graduated a semester early. 

Day 239: Behemoth

Behemoth by Scott Westerfeld.  ISBN: 9781416971757.

You know what makes me a happy person?  When authors write about libraries.  Especially when those authors depict them in a positive light; brownie points when they make them cool.  Well, what would be cooler than a steampunk library?  And I am not talking about a collection of books on steampunk or of the genre...  I am talking about a library that runs on steam/mechanics.  I've got to say, I love the imagination that Westerfeld put into this one, because libraries do tend to be a little slow on the technological uptake (those of you who have public libraries that don't have their own Facebook page yet will know what I'm talking about).  This is starting to change as younger librarians are entering the field and it's becoming cool to not only be nerdy, but well read and into books.  Trust me, it is, I would much rather talk to a person holding a paperback than a cigarette.  True story.

So what does Westerfeld's library look like?  Well, it has closed stacks for one.  This means that you have to approach a librarian and ask for the books you're looking for, and they retrieve them for you.  This has a lot of benefit for both librarian and patron, though it also has a lot of downsides.  Benefits include the books being in the right place all of the time, so they are more easily and quickly found.  Said books are less likely to be damaged, because if you have to turn it back in to the librarian by hand, they will give you a disapproving look if it is soiled or has a cracked spine.*  The downsides include a lack of privacy; someone will know that you're looking up information about STDs, adoption, or that weird toe fungus you can't get rid of.  And Westerfeld actually pointed out the biggie of the closed stack problem, which I give him major bonus points for: browsing.

You can't browse a closed stack, although that's gotten easier with online catalogs since you can now do call number searches/browsing in the catalog.  But retrieving your own books has the benefit of calling up materials that didn't sound relevant in the catalog, or didn't sound relevant to the librarian when you were describing your project, but that you just know are going to be useful.  I cannot tell you the number of times I have found research gems I hadn't planned for while looking for something almost completely different.  Sometimes it gave me a means of broadening my topic when I realized there wasn't enough research to write that 30 page paper on opium use in Irish communities during the 1920's in rural Ohio, or sometimes it let me know that I needed to narrow my topic when I found too many resources on women in the military during World War II. This also applies to pleasure reading, of course, but closed stacks are most likely to be present in academic libraries, with the exception of more prudish communities that might keep the "naughty" books away from the general public.

Uh... enough with the boring library rant.  Okay, so!  Gadgets!  There are gadgets that get your books for you from the closed stacks so you don't have to get your grubby hands all over the books!  The drawing of the clockwork mechanism looks somewhat like a cross between a grasshopper and a heavy duty stapler with a clamp on its back that holds the books in place after retrieval.**  Apparently you insert a punched card into a machine and it gives instructions to the retrieval unit, you go sit your butt down at an assigned carrel and it brings you the books!  I'm sorry, I think this is cool, I can imagine a whole library full of tiny crawling metal grasshoppers.  I bet it would be pretty noisy though with all the tinkling and whirring of spinning gears and metal.  But think of the room you could save if people didn't actually have to go into the stacks!  You could have bookcases less than a foot away from each other and the clockworks wouldn't care!

Actually, we have libraries that are set up like this in some ways.  You won't see this in a regular library, but there are book depositories for large university libraries and/or library consortia.  Books are actually stored by size, because it makes more sense in a non-browsing collection.  The boxes are tagged and in the catalog or computer software, it marks which box a specific book is in.  Then they're put on shelves and retrieved and replaced by giant metal robot arms that know where said book is and go fetch it.  Of course, then a human worker has to go into the box and pick out the exact book, but it's still pretty neat.  Here's more info on a local to me book depository.

I was going to get into the future of libraries/librarians (the next person who says they won't be necessary will be chained to a desk and forced to wade through the results of a crappy search string on Google), but um, this has gone on long enough don't you think?

*You don't have to crack the book open, if you do open it and hear that sound, congratulations, you've just ruined your book and it will start falling apart shortly.  
**The illustrations in this novel are borderline necessary, and definitely enrich the reading experience in an impressive way.  The illustrator and author came up with some very nice moments to illustrate instead of just slapping them in where they were most convenient.  

This was a pretty apt review from One Librarian's Book Reviews, and I agree with the statement about the cover switcheroo from A Dribble of Ink.  If I had plans for collecting these books, I would be beyond pissed off, because the original Leviathan cover was freaking awesome.

Day 238: Behemoth

Behemoth by Scott Westerfeld.  ISBN: 9781416971757.

I started typing this up and realized it had turned into a review, if a somewhat disjointed one.  Anyway, take 2.  So when I put this book down, after finishing the last chapter at 12:30ish in the morning, I had to fight the urge to go immediately to my stack of books and start another.  In fact, I so much wanted to pick up another book I thought about just grabbing the next closest book and starting that one right away.  It was just a pleasure to read.  Part of this is probably because it's not so heavy handed on the character development and is mostly plot-driven.

People don't seem to be writing/publishing plot-driven books much anymore, so this was an exceptionally wonderful thing to read, because I just hadn't seen it in a while.  Most of the teen books nowadays are focused on the relationships between characters or how characters mature and grow into real people and not sniveling brats.  This can certainly be interesting, but it is much harder to make interesting than throwing your characters into a World War where there are fabricated monsters and crazy-ass machines with freakin' lightning towers.  Your characters aren't going to sit around and have tea all day and talk about their feelings, they're going to run away from or fight whatever is chasing them from plot point to plot point.  And I want to ask authors and publishers, WHY aren't books like this being published right now...  or is it just that they aren't being marketed/talked about?

There are really very few books out there that make me instantly want to go and read another book, especially since I started taking up the blog.  With the blog I have to give myself a little time to stew and think about what I want to write about.  This is not always possible because, holy crap I post everyday at noon and it has to get edited first because I comma* splice like whoa.  But this one definitely managed to give me that rush of, "Everything is happening, and I want it to keep happening!"  It almost brought me back to my first days of reading, when all of the stories were still new and fresh and I practically lived off of them.  It was kind of incredible to be put back in that emotional mindset or situation, because I so rarely get excited about the act of reading.

That's not exactly true, but with this I was almost giddy: it wasn't just something I enjoyed, it was something I got real, verifiable pleasure and reward from.  That's it, it felt rewarding to read this.  I felt like I got a pay off from this instead of the, "Well, that was interesting, what's next on the list?"  It was more of a, "Nice! I can't wait to read my next book!"

What books have made you feel like this?  I will say His Dark Materials had some of this pull for me, although I really just wanted to read the next in the book.  Behemoth gave me a more Must Read Everything feel.

*My editor wants me to note that I originally wrote "coma splice".  I blame NaNoWriMo.

This was a pretty apt review from One Librarian's Book Reviews, and I agree with the statement about the cover switcheroo from A Dribble of Ink.  If I had plans for collecting these books, I would be beyond pissed off, because the original Leviathan cover was freaking awesome.

Day 18: Leviathan

Leviathan by Scott Westerfeld.  ISBN: 9781416971733.

So, I'm going to talk a little bit about gender here.  Which I know is a touchy subject and may alienate any conservative or old-fashioned readers I might have now or later, but this is a thing that is so central to everyone's lives, whether they realize it or not.  I am a woman, who was born a woman, but honestly I could go either way.  Really.  If I could wake up in the morning and decide to be a man, there would be days I would do just that.  And you know what, I don't think I'm alone.  I don't even think that's an "abnormal" thing.  It would just be another choice, like deciding whether we want to wear sandals or tennis shoes that day, it would be like, "Oh, today is definitely a penis day."

In Leviathan, Deryn/Dylan Sharp dresses as a boy in order to join the British Air Service, and trust me that's not a spoiler.  She seems constantly aware of her gender rather than eventually becoming comfortable with the deception.  But then, she's not a woman who wants to live as a man, but a woman living as a man because she has to in order to achieve her goals.  I occasionally wear men's clothes myself, or at the very least unisex clothing, because I find it comfortable and much less of a hassle than women's clothing.

Also.  I am fat.

Yesterday my friends and I went out to a bookstore, and then they wanted to get some clothes.  I believe the primary objective was underwear, but of course other things were bought as well.  At the last store they actually had clothes that I both needed and...almost fit.  You see, I am a fat woman who has no boobs.  I cannot find bras that fit me properly, even when they are in my size, so finding something that's even close gives me a little glimmer of hope that maybe, maybe I can wear this.  I don't think men have this same problem.  I'm sure there are fat men out there who do have some issues, but it's not the same.

Men typically have fairly similar bodies: your chest sizes don't vary as much as women, you don't usually lack or have very wide hips, and for some reason your butts almost always look good in jeans.  Women have so many variations in their bodies, and I am sadly shaped more closely to a man's than to a woman's body (nearly flat chest, no butt, broad shoulders).  And you know what, I like wearing men's clothes.  Not because I intend to live my life as a man, but because I don't think it should matter.

If they made women's clothing that fit me properly, that hung on my frame as well as men's clothing tends to hang on my frame, I would probably buy it more often.  I would be willing to spend a couple hundred dollars (if and when I have it) on a sun dress, two pairs of slacks, and blouse.  That would be awesome.  It would also be awesome if people would just forget gender altogether, at the very least in the professional world.  You know what; it works.  I've lived in that community.

Antioch.  Oh god Antioch.  Even though gender politics played a large part in my career at Antioch, there were days when I honestly forgot what gender I was.  The only time I remembered was when we would go "outside the bubble" and I had to use the restroom.  Gender did not affect my education, or my work, or my social life at Antioch.  I want that back.  I want to be able to go to work and not have it matter that I'm not wearing make-up or high heels.  I want to be able to go to work and not even have the possibility that it will be whispered that because I'm successful I must be sleeping with someone.  I shouldn't have to work twice as hard as someone else just because we have different genitals.

Everyone should just forget gender at work.  It doesn't matter.  Your work and your personal life should be separate entities.  If you want to get to know someone, invite them out and then you can remember genders.  Based on a working relationship with someone, I can tell whether or not I want to spend more time with them.  If I don't want to hang out with them after work, I certainly don't want to have sex with them; and really, that's the only time gender should matter.

Day 15: Leviathan

Leviathan by Scott Westerfeld.  ISBN: 9781416971733.

This is one of those books that makes me think about all the other books I've read over the past twenty-something years.  Most of which I've forgotten.  So far I can't say this has been a fairly memorable read, but as I'm only a quarter of the way through the four-hundred and a half pages I'll reserve judgment a little longer. 

Still, I'm enjoying this.  The large print has been easy on my eyes, which is a nice change of pace from the strain of driving (I've finally stopped seeing Volkswagen Beetles when I close my eyes, thank you).  And as far as Young Adult literature goes, this is one of the most age appropriate things I've read in a long time.  This is the kind of book I would have really appreciated when I was between 8-12, where I was reading at a very high level both vocabulary and concepts, but wasn't quite ready for adult reading. 

On the other hand Leviathan is very well suited for this age range I think, and maybe even a little beyond.  There are some complex themes, or at least themes that have the potential to be complex.  The characters started out as very rough sketches, but I get the feeling they'll soon be fleshed out.  The one problem I do have with the novel is that it does that common thing of, "I'm a strong kid because during times of danger I manage not to break down and grieve."  I think this might be a potentially harmful thing to teach kids.  I know there have been times where I've taken the martyr role in my grieving or suffering as a child and I would have been better off to just cry and let my mom hold me instead of keeping it inside. 

It's strange because I find myself more emotional as an adult than I ever did as a child, but then I lived in a very emotionally heavy household with one parent who was incapable of dealing with my emotions, and one who was so busy dealing with everyone else's that I just wanted to give her a break.  Even after my father and brother were removed from the household I felt unable to unburden myself to my mother, which led to a lot of time spent alone when I felt sad that might have been improved by someone else's presence. 

Today I'm almost always on the verge of tears, and every now and again I go to my fiance and let him comfort me and reassure me.  It's terrible that it's taken me over ten years to find someone else to take on this role for me, I should have allowed more people into my life, but reading all those adventure stories where the heroes and heroines aren't allowed to cry, where a lack of emotion was seen as a boon rather than a potentially crippling emotional flaw (which, trust me, it is), made me slow to open up.  This probably prevented me from making a lot of friends, which was difficult enough due to moving around every couple of years.

So someone tell me, why don't we have main characters who are so stricken by grief that they curl up into balls in their bedrooms for hours at a time before picking themselves back up and facing the world?  Is it because crying isn't romantic enough?  I can tell you one thing, I feel closer to characters who mirror my emotions more than I do the ones who remain stoic under all circumstances no matter what.  I read to be reminded of my humanity, not to be whisked into a world of wooden characters and flat emotions.