05 June 2010
Day 70: The Night Bus
There were some very okay parts of this book despite the mostly verbally abusive relationship between Cath and her husband. Law doesn't seem to think it was a "bad" relationship, or even one that should have ended despite the fact that it did not appear to be healthy for either party. Luckily the language and the actual writing in this book were good enough to stick with it and I pulled out a couple of very poignant moments.
Perhaps my favorite was when Cath realized that the 'key to happy endings is knowing when to close the book.' How perfect is that? I suppose it's probably not original in either phrasing or concept, but it's the first time I've come across it in awhile (or ever as far as I can remember). I sort of started applying this to my own life and there are definite moments where I could have closed the book and it would have seemed like ... perhaps not a fairy tale, but a somewhat interesting memoir. My time at Antioch would probably make a hilarious romp through college life, working at and quitting Allstate might be an interesting read for those who have had to deal with any kind of insurance, and the culmination of my graduate career was definitely a high note as it included an engagement and the hopes of a job that paid well (if not fantastically) and that I loved.
It's those moments in-between that make the Good Story feel like a bad ending. Yes, I'm currently going through 9+ months of hardship and separation from the people I love. I am living in limbo. But next month I could be starting off a brand new adventure filled with lots of Good Things that will fall into place. So I didn't get that job in Tennessee, maybe I just haven't suffered and struggled enough, or maybe I'm not really cut out to be a librarian. Maybe my blog will actually get me further than the five years of various library jobs I've had (although for that to happen I need a little more word of mouth advertising -- hint hint). I would hate to give up being a librarian, but I could be happy doing something else, and I'll still have the degree. There are many ways to get into librarianship and now is either not the time and/or I am not approaching it from an angle that will work right now.
I don't know what I'm going to do. I know that after ALA I will be signing up for a temp. company. I've done that before and ended up getting the job at Allstate. I might actually prefer something in the factory sector right now. I almost want a job that I hate so that I'm motivated to go out and do something to better my situation. I just know that I cannot bear to bring myself to fill out another application or write another cover letter. I can't do it. Not the way things are going right now. I really thought I had the job in Tennessee, but I lost it to someone with more experience. There are so many people right now who have far more experience than I do, and I just can't compete. So I'm moving on. Hopefully a library job will fall in my lap some day, and I'll probably keep applying, but this has gone on too long. I've indulged my fantasies too long. And I can't keep living on savings.
I'm not closing the book here. I just switching volumes because the current one is a little too much to struggle through in one straight reading. I need a little Pratchett to go along with my Hawthorne. When all is said and done, I'm sure my life will have a much happier ending than what I'm going through right now. It's hard to remember that, but it's what I need to focus on, or else I'm just going to give up altogether.
PS: Send donations (i.e. pity money...or books...or cookies).