Day 127: Color Blind

Colorblind by Precious Williams.  ISBN: 9781596913387 (Advanced Reader Copy - publishes August 2010).

"It's like being on a ferris wheel and the ride stopping suddenly, mid-air: my whole world shudders to a stop the very second Eddie calls me pretty.  I feel an urge to run to the nearest mirror and gaze at myself in a new, rose-tinted light." Page 58.

I think every woman remembers the first time someone outside of her family calls her pretty or beautiful.  It's unfortunate that it's usually someone with ulterior motives.  I remember the first time it happened to me and it no longer means as much to me as it did when I first heard it, because I can't help but wonder, "What does this guy really want?"

Obviously these are my own issues to some degree.  And it might be true that the men who told me this in the past thought I was beautiful, but they still waited until a very vulnerable moment where telling me I was pretty would get them further into my pants.  Some days I just wish someone would tell me I'm pretty because they think it's true and they want me to know.

I would like to be recognized more often for my intellect than my physical appearance, but every now and then it wouldn't hurt to be complimented on how nice my legs look or how pretty my hair is.  I'm aware that I am shapely in all the wrong ways, but I do have some nice features and I wish they were recognized more.  I wish that everyone was more free with their compliments, not only towards me but towards others.  How many young men and women would benefit from hearing something nice about themselves on a somewhat regular basis? 

It's hard being young, when you're expected to be at your peak physical attractiveness and to be found lacking.  I often have the urge to compliment people my age and younger, particularly those I know who probably don't receive them often.  I want to give them something to feel good about, something they can like about themselves, even if it's just for an hour or two before their "friends" or peers go back to calling them fat or making fun of their large ears.

I almost never do this though.  I just don't have the courage to be that "weird person."  I am afraid that my compliments would be taken the wrong way, that parents would jerk their 12 year-olds away and cross to the other side of the street to avoid me, even though my intentions are good.  And what damage might that do to a kid's psyche?  The only random person to compliment me is a potential pedophile according to my parents - yeah, that'll make them and me feel good.  So the only way around this is to compliment the people you know.  You don't have to lie, but if someone has a new haircut that suits them or a fabulous new pair of earrings or you think that they have especially lovely eyes, just tell them.  You can even preface it with, "Not to be weird, but I really think you have pretty _______ and I thought you would like to know."

Leave a comment with your thoughts and/or compliments, I will return them as best I can.

Day 126: Color Blind

Colorblind by Precious Williams.  ISBN: 9781596913387 (Advanced Reader Copy - publishes August 2010).

When I was growing up, and even into my college years a bit, I always kind of envied the black and other raced kids.  I know, it's a little messed up, but they had this whole identity path charted out for them and they had what seemed like four or five ways they could fit into their culture.  I didn't realize at the time how limiting that can be to someone who doesn't want to follow the path they're expected to by their cultural/ethnic peers or family members.

This is probably not coming out right and I'm showing my Stupid right now.  The thing is, being white comes with so many options that sometimes the only option for a white kid growing up is not to fit in at all.  By the time I hit high school I had moved so many places and seen so many things that it was practically impossible for me to fit in with anyone.  For a while I tried hanging out with the punks, but I didn't drink or do drugs.  Then I got into the theatre crowd, but I wasn't really accepted there either because I was willing to accept male roles in Mississippi, and that was weird even for theatre kids down there.  Not to mention it was hard to land a lead role unless you had been groomed from 9th grade by the theatre teacher.  That's just the way it was and I had fun and sucked it up, but in some ways there was a lot more suck than fun.

At least with the skin color it seemed that you automatically had some common ground.  As an outsider it felt like there was solidarity and camaraderie where there probably wasn't.  It took me a long time to get to a point where I realized that all of the good that comes from having a pre-prescribed identity also includes all of the bad, and that the bad usually outweighs the good.  There are cultural trends, etc. from other backgrounds that I wish I could claim, but I also wouldn't want to be saddled with the negatives, and it's not fair that people who are born into those backgrounds are sometimes encumbered by them.

I am making broad sweeping statements here, and I recognize that not every person of color has to deal with pressures to fit in culturally with their own race.  However, I imagine most do or at least have to deal with similar pressures from other cultures.  I've certainly had friends who were told they "act too white" by both their black and white friends.  This mentality isn't right, it shouldn't matter and people should be able to behave how they want to (within the law) regardless of their ethnicity.